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The good die young - because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good…. John Barrymore

Youth is a wonderful thing; what a crime to waste it on children… Bernard Shaw

Setting a good example to your children takes all the fun out of middle age…. William Feather

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men… Kin Hubbard

Life was the funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave… Quentin Crisp

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man… Lana Turner

Never keep up with the Jones. Drag them down to your level. It's cheaper…. Quentin Crisp

I never read a book before reviewing it; it prejudices a man so… Sydney Smith, Critic

Every great man nowadays has his disciples, and it is always Judas who writes the biography…. Oscar Wilde

Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't…. Pete Seegar

The trouble with nude dancing is that everything stops when the music does…. Sir Robert Helpman

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