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The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Born free... taxed to death.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.

There's too much blood in my alcohol system.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

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