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Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

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